Psychology of Change Part 2

Michael Coleman, CHC, CPT, CES: So next we're in the contemplation stage, which I related to finding the passion.

The traits here are that they're aware that there's a problem and they are weighing the benefits versus the risk of change. But, they still have little understanding about how to go about changing. 

So for me, this is where we meet people where they are and we always talk about change as a collaboration.

Now before we go any further, could you please give us some of your background, so that people know who you are and what you do as we move on into this contemplation stage?

Yao Olivares, M.S., LMHC, LPC: Yes, of course. So I'm certified as a licensed mental health counselor. And, I come from a background of dealing with a lot of families.

I started in psychiatric hospitals. There, I worked primarily with children and their families. I also worked in corrections and later transitioned to a position at a private company.

Today, I continue seeing all types of folks and their families. And, as you know, there are definitely a lot of challenges in all populations.

Michael: I agree.

Yao: If an individual struggles sometimes with making those connections and not having a type of positive network in their lives — whether it's a lack concerning family, friends, or whatever it is — it really can present itself as a “limitation” of some kind in their mental wellness, so to speak.

So, this is something that I'm very passionate about, because everybody wants change. But, we sometimes don't understand the capacity, the impact that and even the work that change takes.

Michael: I agree.

Yao: I'm really kind of excited to be going through this because it gives enough hope.

Michael: I agree.

Yao: Those who recognize that — “Yes, I am struggling!” and — “Yes, there may be a problem.” But also there’s that possibility and opportunity that things could be different. And, that that alone can be so impactful in someone's life to get through these stages, because there is that light at the end of the tunnel!

Michael: I agree. And one of the things that I focus on is goal setting. And understanding that, you know, you can't hit a target, until you actually have a target.

With this second stage here we’re looking to: validate their readiness for change and identify and promote their new positive outcome expectations. — This is a goal I think may start to boost their self-confidence. 

So, you know, when I look at the family dynamic and there's cultural things, there are things with roles: male and female roles, roles with children and adults, etc.

Now that I'm old enough, you know, that my son is an adult, it's very interesting to flip flop from how things were when he was younger… It's just that there are so many different dynamics that change over time. — The thing about life is that it naturally goes through these cycles.

So as you shared your background, so will I…

In addition to being a certified personal trainer and a corrective exercise specialist, I'm also a nationally certified and accredited health coach.

Some aspects of health coach consulting has obvious similarities, especially with regards to behavioral change, to what certain psychologists might do. But still, as coaches we can only discuss it as a theory.

In my scope of practice, I am not doing therapy. — I leave that up to licensed therapists like you.

Yao: Agreed.

Michael: That being said, when I first started my journey, I used to weigh about 50 pounds more than I do now.

And I used to teach in Italy, by the way. I had a lot of Italian food!

And so in my late 30s, up until my till, when I turned 40, I gained a bunch of weight. And when I went on the journey of losing it, it was not something that was shared by the person I was with at that point.

And I think of many of these psychological issues we’re discussing almost like excess weight.

I mean, if you think of someone who's 100 pounds or 200 pounds overweight — I've worked with a lot of different people before — there's a psychological condition that is present in many of those lives. 

Yao: Yes.

Michael: And so when I think about this, I remember that, okay, hold it. I'm trying to change my habits and I have this goal, but this other person next to me maybe does not. So, despite that lack of support, the idea is that I’m going to have determination, focus and drive. — Also, I’ll may be only able to take small steps forward, one at a time.

I'm a very firm believer in helping people to get this type of self-efficacy.

Yao: Right.

Michael: Even without a partner’s direct support, I think that drawing boundaries lines are necessary. Saying, “Hey, no disrespect to you, but I'm sincerely working on improving myself.” And, “This boundary would really help me to be able to show up better in every way.” — Of course, it needs to be worded to fit the unique situation.

In any case, I think these types of strategies are very important.

Some people assume that boundaries won't work. But, many have never really put in the effort it takes to find the approach that’ll work for them. They assume that they don't have any control.

Yao: Interesting enough, as you're going through that, I wanted to focus in the golden standard for a lot of therapists, which is the CBT model.

Michael: Can you explain that to us, please?

Yao: So in the CBT model and CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

It explains that each of us goes through a specific situation. And in these situations, we form different types of thoughts. And from these thoughts, we have feelings. And because how we're feeling in those moments, we exhibit certain behaviors. 

Now, the interesting thing about the CBT model is that all of these behaviors are something that we can take steps to regulate.

The regulation of our thoughts certainly affect our feelings. And, through the recognition of our feelings, we can regulate our behavior. This is where we get to a place where we feel like we're more in control.

Michael: Yeah. So that's a word that came to my mind when you said “regulate,” I went right to control.

Yao: Yeah. Correct.

Michael: So what about people who don't feel in control?

Yao: So it all starts with awareness. It all starts with awareness.

Going back to one of your previous examples relating to food…Where it’s getting home from work, going to the kitchen, grabbing a pack of chips, putting them a bowl, sitting in front of the couch, and watching television. Okay? 

We are creatures of habit. Oftentimes our behaviors are on autopilot.

Now, the interesting thing about physical behavior is that it’s the easiest one to observe. It’s also the easiest one from which to receive feedback. — So when we go ahead and change based on that feedback, the awareness of the behavior now becomes a form of intentional action. Action is one of the areas that actually is within our control!

Sometimes we may not feel right. And that's the key word, we may not “feel” it every time. So feelings, if not regulated properly, do cloud objective judgment. 

Michael: 100%.

I also think this self-efficacy is something that we have to practice, because we have a preconceived image of ourselves.

And of course, you know about body dysmorphia. — Well, in one of the psychiatric hospitals I taught at previously, I worked with women who had anorexia. They were super thin, but in their minds, they always needed to lose weight. 

Similarly, I think that a lot of people are like that. There may in fact be a lot of things about our lives that are actually going very well. But, because of advertising images and other ideas that are thrown at us from all around, we have this feeling like we're not enough. 

And it's hard for many people just to say, “I like myself.” — You know, if you ask someone, could you say “I like myself.”? They’ll most likely answer: “Oh, well, yeah, I kind of like myself…But, this is part about me wrong, that part is also wrong, and….”

Yao: I hear you.

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